"that would be young Kate"

When I grew up, I wanted to be a ballerina...



Never one to settle with just one dream, I also wanted to be a bride...



I could have cropped just me out, but I think my whole family look so adorable together that I kept them all. My brother, ever the high achiever, hopes to be superman one day...

Whilst my dreams were both adorably childish, and I am sure quite common, the idea behind them still connects with me. They focus on the innocent wish to be beautiful and to find love.

Back then, and still to this day, my idea about beauty was unique. In finding those photos I was actually looking for a primary school portrait that was taken when I was about 5 years old. I went to a primary school which didn't have uniforms, and I remembered that when I saw this particular photo a few years ago I cried to my Dad "How could you dress me like that????". In the absence of the photo, I was wearing a spotted hair band, a clump of tied in a scrunchy and a bright turtle neck top under a pinafore. I love my Dad's response "Kate, by that point, you were dressing yourself". My personal fashion determination was clear from a young age then. Although, I am sure my dear Dad wishes he could have some control over what I walk out of the house in now. I still think ballerinas are beautiful. But I also know that when my Dad or anyone in the street gives my outfit a funny look, I should be like that 5 year old and grin for all I am worth.

I am currently cleaning out my Grandmother's house. This woman married my Grandfather when she was 18 years old and from that moment, she proceeded to buy things, lots of things, and never use them. Her house is full of thousands of dolls and basically looks like a dozen op-shops exploded in one house. Her obsession with "things" is intense. She is one of the funniest, sharp-witted women I have ever met. She now has dementia and doesn't always recognise me or other family members. One of the nurses who visits her asked her recently "Who in the family is as crazy as you, Ed?". Her response is something I will treasure forever. In an almost conspiratory manner, she said "I think that would be young Kate". I am crazy, and I love the fact that she sees herself in me.

She actually gave me the tutu I am wearing in that photo. It is the same tutu that hangs in my room...



Like my gorgeous Grandmother, I will always think ballerinas are beautiful. And I will always wear exactly what I think is beautiful. And in another 20 years, I will look at the photos and have no one to blame but myself.

I have been thinking a lot about love lately, but I will save that for next time...

the sense of a dress

So I am employed again, which is a relief, except for the 5:30AM starts. So after meeting my new boss yesterday, I celebrated by going shopping. Honestly, even I thought my shopping muscles would have needed a rest after New York, apparently not. One of my favourite things to happen upon are pop-up stores. These are little store fronts that designers rent out for a month or so and sell their current and previous stock at reduced prices. The sizes are usually fairly limited and you have to be careful for things such stains and rips, but I have found many a gem in these hidden havens. Currently, there are quite a few along the Paddington end of Oxford Street. The sweet little dress featured above is from the Shakuhachi pop-up store.
This dress is an example of buying something not because it looks amazing, but because it makes you feel amazing. I have other dresses that look better on my body, but I have worn this dress constantly for the last two days and no other item of clothing has made me this happy in a long long time. Grey is my favourite colour and its so romantic whilst still being a lil bit sexy with the shear lace in the middle (I love the fact that you can see my tummy freckles, which is a bit strange really). Simple and breezy, this dress makes me feel light. Which I think is the reason why I feel so good in it. It is also possibly the reason that it has gotten such a positive reaction from strangers in the past 24 hours.
Firstly, there was the adorable guy at Central Station. I was waiting for my perpetually late friend, who was only forgiven because I entertained myself by playing "catch the other person looking at you and smiling" with said adorable boy. For me, ten minutes of that games is more entertaining and memorable that a whole night out in a dark, loud club. Its nice to know that the hopeless romantic that I once was hasn't been lost forever.
Secondly, after a few hours of over-heating in the city, I was approached by an older woman as I was getting off a train at Central. Smiling brightly, she said "You look very pretty in that dress. Its very elegant". Well, now I was smiling brightly too.
The significantly increased level of "attention" I was receiving in this dress gave me something to think about. As a society, we are extremely reserved. I have had many a conversation with girls about how guys just refuse to approach girls. Guys have apparently developed the theory that if they approach a girl its anti-feminist, and they should allow girls the freedom to approach them (This is what I discovered over dinner when my friend finally arrived). My encounter yesterday potentially proves this theory, because whilst there was a lot of smiling, there was no approach. And while my dress may have lifted me up somewhat, I was still too shy to make the pursuit myself.
Romance aside, not many of us are running up to people in the street to compliment then. When I am in stores and I see a girl trying something on and checking herself out in the mirror, I feel like saying "that looks amazing on you!", but I rarely do. I should. We all should. Sincerely of course, when we do see someone who grabs our attention for one reason or another, be it dress, haircut or smile.
I think this provided meaning to my decision to continue dressing to please only myself. Having the discussion about guys approaching girls with my friend last night, he commented about how the way I dress is intimidating. This is something that I have mentioned in a previous blog, its not a strange observation for me to hear from other people. I find this slightly perplexing simply because I am quite shy and introverted as a person, I certainly don't feel or intend to be intimidating. Mostly, everyone else intimidates me.
My way of telling people who I am is through what I wear. As my friend pointed out, it is almost like an automatic screening process. People see what they get straight away. It was most lovely that a dress let a few people through. :)