"that would be young Kate"

When I grew up, I wanted to be a ballerina...



Never one to settle with just one dream, I also wanted to be a bride...



I could have cropped just me out, but I think my whole family look so adorable together that I kept them all. My brother, ever the high achiever, hopes to be superman one day...

Whilst my dreams were both adorably childish, and I am sure quite common, the idea behind them still connects with me. They focus on the innocent wish to be beautiful and to find love.

Back then, and still to this day, my idea about beauty was unique. In finding those photos I was actually looking for a primary school portrait that was taken when I was about 5 years old. I went to a primary school which didn't have uniforms, and I remembered that when I saw this particular photo a few years ago I cried to my Dad "How could you dress me like that????". In the absence of the photo, I was wearing a spotted hair band, a clump of tied in a scrunchy and a bright turtle neck top under a pinafore. I love my Dad's response "Kate, by that point, you were dressing yourself". My personal fashion determination was clear from a young age then. Although, I am sure my dear Dad wishes he could have some control over what I walk out of the house in now. I still think ballerinas are beautiful. But I also know that when my Dad or anyone in the street gives my outfit a funny look, I should be like that 5 year old and grin for all I am worth.

I am currently cleaning out my Grandmother's house. This woman married my Grandfather when she was 18 years old and from that moment, she proceeded to buy things, lots of things, and never use them. Her house is full of thousands of dolls and basically looks like a dozen op-shops exploded in one house. Her obsession with "things" is intense. She is one of the funniest, sharp-witted women I have ever met. She now has dementia and doesn't always recognise me or other family members. One of the nurses who visits her asked her recently "Who in the family is as crazy as you, Ed?". Her response is something I will treasure forever. In an almost conspiratory manner, she said "I think that would be young Kate". I am crazy, and I love the fact that she sees herself in me.

She actually gave me the tutu I am wearing in that photo. It is the same tutu that hangs in my room...



Like my gorgeous Grandmother, I will always think ballerinas are beautiful. And I will always wear exactly what I think is beautiful. And in another 20 years, I will look at the photos and have no one to blame but myself.

I have been thinking a lot about love lately, but I will save that for next time...